


Undercover Work for Dummies

by Nymaria



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bickering, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Gen, M/M, POV Danny "Danno" Williams, Pretending to Be Gay, Slow Dancing, Undercover As Gay, Undercover as Married, Undercover as a Couple, yacht party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymaria/pseuds/Nymaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wh-...What?" Danny spluttered indignantly.<br/>"Why do we have to go, huh? Why not Steve and you, Chin?" he questioned rather resentfully, messing up the paperwork on his desk in frustration. </p><p> </p><p>Or how Steve and Danny were dragged into going to a yacht party, undercover and pretending to be a happily married couple to lure in and expose a drug cartel boss, end up dancing together and ultimately discover the power of feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undercover Work for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> Fake/Pretend Relationship

"Wh-...What?" Danny spluttered indignantly. "Why do we have to go, huh? Why not Steve and you, Chin?" he questioned rather resentfully, messing up the paperwork on his desk in frustration. 

"I thought that would be obvious", Chin replied flatly, although a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, as he leaned over the strewn about papers and brought them back into their original order.

"Look, it's easier, okay, Danny? You already have that been-married-for-years vibe. Right, cuz?", Kono commented with an amused smile.

"We do not have that vibe", Danny muttered to himself. 

"You do so! Don't try to deny it! Others see it, too!" Kono smirked. And the thing was, Danny couldn't even deny it. Because they'd been asked countless times how long they'd been married. He winced, kind of a running gag now at the precinct. Not that he really minded that much. Just showed what a good team he and Steve made. 

"Oh alright, will you shut up now, please?" he asked in irritation. "Where's Steve anyway? Shouldn't he be here for the briefing?" It really wasn't like Steve to leave the planning of an operation to others. Especially undercover stuff. Not that he necessarily followed the plan later on, but at this stage of the proceedings he was usually still on board, his Rambo complex not having reared its (violent) head yet. 

Kono shuffled her feet uncomfortably and even Chin looked slightly guilty. Then he realised it and fury engulfed him. "Oh my god! You already knew I was going to agree, so Steve didn't even stick around for the persuasion part and just went on organising things! "

"Kind of? " admitted Kono. "It worked, too", she added proudly and shot him a pleased smile. 

He kind of wanted to strangle her. 

"Come on. No backing out now", Chin said calmly and clapped him on the shoulder in support. "We should work out a cover story." 

This was his life. He'd kind of resigned himself to being shot at and in danger at any possible time, but sometimes the incredibility of his situation still struck him. Nobody in New Jersey would ever believe the stories he could tell. Not even his family, because, believe it or not, crazy shenanigans weren't part of their ordinary, day-to-day lives. 

Going undercover as a gay married couple to lure in a big mofo in the drug scene? Sure, no problem. Didn't even phase him that much to be honest. 

"Guess so. Just so you know, after I'm back I'm not going to talk to you two for a week. At least", he huffed.

 

***

 

Somehow the planning came together rather faster than he'd thought. Kono was dealing with all their supposed social media presence and managed their apparently very lovey-dovey online exchanges with an unholy amount of glee. Danny did not think anyone would dig that deep, not even when they were to befriend and consequently expose the leader of a very active, new drug empire. Who was gay. And wanted to surprise his husband with a spontaneous, big party on a luxury cruise yacht. 

Great, just great. 

He sat down in resignation and made himself comfortable in the governor's office.  
Then he noticed Steve's approach from the corner of his eye, and Danny turned in his chair to see him walking towards him, his new attire making him look casual yet smart.  
There probably were no cargo pants in sight of his new wardrobe.  
Danny suppressed a smirk at the thought. He bet Steve's little heart was breaking because of the decided lack of pockets, in which he could smuggle all kinds of explosives and weapons. 

"Hey Phil! Did you have a nice day, honey? " Danny intoned in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"I actually did, darling. Thanks for asking", he replied equally sweetly and obnoxiously, while taking the seat next to him. He added, "I'm sure we'll have much more fun at the party though. "

"Aren't you two supposed to be professionals?" the governor interrupted, entering from a side door and eyeing them with displease. And unsurprisingly Steve was all 'of course, sir!', while Danny just wanted to sabotage the whole mission by hitting his head repeatedly on the ancient wood of the governor's desk. It was probably very expensive, well, a little blood wouldn't damage it too badly. And he would get out of this farce of a mission. That sounded about heavenly right now.  
"Let's review your identities one final time, gentlemen", the governor announced and took his place behind the desk, waiting expectantly for them to begin.

Like most times Steve took the initiative. "My name is Philip Mason, I'm an Ex-Navy Seal, who was dishonourably discharged from his unit, because he took the fall for one of his superiors. The investigation made into those claims was faulty, which is why I harbour a grudge against the Navy and the Military as a whole. I consider most state institutions to be corrupted and am morally ambiguous on most topics. If Mr Romanov makes an offer of employment I am to accept."

"Succint with the most important details. Well put. Mr Williams?"

"I'm Aaron Thompson, now Mason, working as a kindergarten teacher in Hawaii. I'm very happy with my work, because I love children. But I haven't got any myself, although, uh, Phil and I are looking to adopt."

"Good. What is your wedding date?"

Danny's eyes widened and he frantically tried to remember the numbers, the 23th? 27th? He knew it was something with 20, damn it. 

Steve saved the day as he answered quickly. "The 26th of July. "

"Correct", the governor smiled,  
"Great. How did you two meet? " He looked at Danny, as he asked, so he felt obliged to take that one. It was like school quizzes all over again. 

"Phil was vacationing on Hawaii after his discharge and we bumped into each other on one of the beaches. He asked me out to dinner and it developed from there", Danny said, then added sarcastically, "The rest is history."

"Alright, that's good enough. Looks like you can remember the main parts of your cover, don't forget to brush up on the details", he said, eyeing Danny specifically, while Steve straightened in smug amusement. That died down quickly though, when the governor transferred his focus onto him and asked pointedly, "Commander McGarrett, would you please outline the regulations on guns and other weapons during this undercover mission? "

It was Danny's turn to suppress his smugness. 

"We are not to employ firearms and use dire force unless the circumstances absolutely require it", Steve recited perfectly with slightly gritted teeth.

The governor nodded in satisfaction, then proceeded to dismiss them.  
"Thank you, that is all. I'll be waiting for the report of the successful end to this matter."

"Of course, sir", Steve acknowledged with alacrity, so they finally could leave the office. 

The minute they were out of earshot, Danny started in on his rant, complaining loudly about their assignment with wide hand gestures and phrases like 'how could they do this to us?' and 'this is insane, absolutely insane!'. Steve just nodded along, resigned to listen with half an ear, until Danny had exhausted himself. Long experience had taught him that when his partner got that worked up, nothing would calm him down, till he'd got it out of his system. 

He seized the chance, when Danny paused to get some air into his lungs, interrupting his perfect flow. "How about getting dinner tonight, Danno? We still have to perfect our stories."

Somewhat resigned to his fate, Danny let out a put-upon sigh and agreed,  
"Alright, hubby, dear. You're paying, so you better bring your wallet! "

 

***

 

The wind blew harshly , though not coldly - not like it was ever cold on freaking _Hawaii_ -, into their faces, as they made their way to the luxury yacht, securely at anchor and moored to the pier. Way to ruin his hair, why did he even bother? He self-consciously fumbled with the loose strands, trying to get them back in order.  
They took their time, still ambling along the street, neither exactly eager to get on the boat and join the party. Loud noises driftet over to them, the sound of people talking, music and laughter. 

"Need a minute to boof your coof?" his partner asked with a smirk and Danny had to suppress the not entirely irrational urge to shoot him. Not like he had his weapon with him, so maybe he would have to settle for strangling him with his bare hands. That could provide some satisfaction.

"Stop worrying, Danno. It'll be fine, okay?" Right. _Fine_.  
Because the last time Steve declared something to be fine, Danny had been almost shot, fell down the stairs and was thrown from a second-story balcony of a suspect's get-away villa.  
That hospital visit had been so much fun, the nurses even recognised him and the team, which was absolutely no surprise considering their injury rate on the job. At least it got him the benefit of an extra portion of pudding, which was quite the nice gesture actually, salted caramel was delicious, and they even listened, when he told them about McGarrett's crazy antics. 

And after everything he went through on a daily basis, they still had to do jobs like this?!

Life was so freaking unfair it wasn't even funny.

Steve was just about to get on the pier, when Danny got a good look at his partner's chest, and yes the jacket was very nice and the muscles underneath were even nicer and sure to make the women in attendance swoon, but one detail was just too irritating to miss.  
Steve might think of himself as a glorified James Bond, he still had to work on the 007 look though.

"Stop for a second, will you? Your tie's crooked. How can your tie be crooked? Just a minute ago it looked perfect, did you touch it? Why did you touch it?" he ranted, slapping the hand away, that Steve involuntary reached up to touch the tie once again.  
"For god's sake, will you stop, you'll make it worse!" Danny said with exasperation and reached up, taking the piece of fabric -silk, good quality, he noted in approval- into his own hands, carefully straightening it. 

Steve breathed out in annoyance, but held still and let Danny do his magic, while mumbling. "I adjusted it."

In response, Danny's eyebrows jumped up. "No, no, no, whatever you do, no more _adjusting_ , my friend. Just leave it alone. "

"How can you wear that all the time? It's itchy! Feels like a noose is permanently tied around my neck. " 

"It's a tie! The question should be, how can you not be used to wearing it? To which the answer is that we are living on this godforsaken island full of pineapples and fish and no proper protocol. "

"Otherwise also called paradise", Steve said with a scowl.

That again! Tourists were just that, they knew nothing about living in the place they so inappropriately named 'paradise'. "Well, not in my book! "

"So what is your book, Danno? Where would you rather be? And don't say New Jersey", Steve warned, having too often been forced to listen to another monologue concerning New Jerseys many delights.

"I don't know, okay? Somewhere with actual seasons would be nice. Where Christmas means snow and not surfing on the beach."

"Alright, I'm done. You know what, Danny, you're the only person I know on this island that actually hates living in Hawaii", Steve said, throwing his hands up in aggravation and showing off, what Danny called, version No. 3 of his anorysm face.

He would regret this. So much.  
"I don't hate it here, okay. It's not so bad, I guess. I kind of like the work with Five-O", he acknowledged and was rewarded by Steve's puppy dog eyes and wide smile. 

"Come on, Danno. We have a job to do."  
Thankfully his partner understood and didn't take this moment to say anything more, although he could see merciless teasing in the near future ahead of him. 

"This is still a spectacularly bad idea!" he grumbled, maybe just to make a point, but Steve just continued to smile relentlessly.

 

***

 

Wine. He needed so much wine. Or perhaps whisky, did they have whisky? Wodka would do as well. Frankly he didn't care as long as it was strong enough to knock him out or make him forget the last two hours of his life. 

McGarrett laughed charmingly at something some middle-aged lady in a garish purple dress with a low cut and tons of make-up said and tightened his arm around Danny's waist. And oh god, was that really necessary? Did he have to be the partner with the arm slung around him? 

The woman said something else, jewels glittering in the light as she made some incomprehensible gesture, this time directed to him and not only did he have no idea of her name, he hadn't listened either. To his defense, his partner had started to rub little circles into the skin near his hip bone, and he was quite distracted. He'd never appreciated fabric more, would be even better if the warmth of his hand didn't seep through the thin material. 

Oh god, how was he supposed to deal with this? 

Maybe Steve didn't do it on purpose just to get a rise out of him, it could be subconscious, or meant to calm him down. If it was the latter it failed spectacularly. 

"Uh, sorry. Headache", he lied, rubbing at his forehead and feigning a persistent pain, "You were saying...?"

And Steve stepped in, totally committed to his role of caring husband. "Is everything alright, dear? Would you like me to get a glass of water for you?" he asked. 

"No, uh, thanks. I'm fine...Phil, really", he asserted with a feigned smile. 

Steve frowned at him and wait he didn't think...? "Maybe you're dehydrated. Water should help that", Steve said, then set out determinedly on the mission to find a beverage for him and damn it all, he hadn't meant to convince _Steve_. 

With Steve gone for the moment, he turned back to the purple lady and smiled, trying desperately to find a topic to speak on. His eyes wandered around the room, searching for a spark of inspiration. Politics? Fashion? Gossip? He could talk about the expensive interior design of the boat, he supposed, or the other guests. But wasn't that considered vulgar? 

He had no freaking clue. 

That was when she solved his problems and said, "Your husband is such a wonderful, attentive man, my dear. I wish I was ten years younger. He was just telling me all about how the two of you met. The beach can be so romantic! I met my first husband at a beach resort and I can tell you..." He blended her out, only nodding along at the appropriate moments. Disaster avoided.

Unexpectedly he felt a hand sneaking around his waist and a warm body settling against his back and had to seriously curb the impulse of ramming his elbow into the flesh behind him, where it'd hurt. Cover, he had to maintain the cover! But did Steve have to be so damn tactile? 

"Your drink", he said and pushed a glass of water into Danny's hand. The water was actually quite soothing and though he only had a pretend-headache, he did feel better after drinking it. 

Soon afterwards they made their goodbyes and continued touring the room, inching closer to their target. They fit surprisingly well with the crowd, mostly thanks to Steve's actual polished conversation skills that he'd never bothered to unpack before, though the expensive suits helped. And now he portrayed this flawless, attentive gentleman that was well informed about current politics, laughed at the right jokes and could banter with the rest of them. 

Danny even found himself chuckling at the occasional joke, because they were _funny_! What did Steven do, memorise them beforehand? Because the Steve McGarrett he knew, his partner and phenomenal pain in the ass, was not funny.  
It was kind of sad how not funny Steve could be. 

Finally they'd done enough small talk and could round in on their target. Mr Alexander Romanow was a tall guy, middle-aged and strongly build with a dozen painfully obvious, cliché bodyguards surrounding him. His partner was fairly small in comparison, skinny and at least half a decade younger in Danny's estimation. He directed a sweet, welcoming smile towards them, and Danny had to wonder again how _good, nice people_ could end up with such scumbags.  
A weird opposites attract thing, maybe? Then he and Steve should get along like a house on fire. 

He tried to compose his face into a similarly nice and relaxed smile as Steve's, but his features just wouldn't obey and contort on command like that. What, did they have spy training in the Navy Seals as well? Danny had to settle for a neutral expression and let Steve take the floor, as he was apparently the one of them that actually knew what the heck he was doing here.  
Oh and after this hell was over, he would personally make sure that Steve used his talents for more than blowing stuff up and actually talked to witnesses like _this_ instead of using blunt force. 

"Good evening, gentlemen", Mr Romanov, as the host of the party, acknowledged their presence and greetings in one swoop and a terse smile. "I hope you are enjoying this fine evening. Pardon, but we haven't been introduced yet, I believe?"

"Thank you, we're enjoying it very much. My name is Philipp Mason, and this is my husband Aaron." He gestured at Danny, who tried and ultimately failed to look anything other than constipated. Steve shot him a brief glare, then smoothed his expression back into that scarily convincing, deceiving mask. "We acquired the tickets online, were quite lucky to get some and we've been looking forward to this ever since."

"Really? That's nice", Romanov said sceptically, mustering Danny with a raised eyebrow. And he got it, alright?! So he wasn't exactly the poster child for having a good time right now, so what? 

"Yes, it's wonderful", he agreed and winced involuntarily at the sarcastic lilt to his voice. Goddamnit, Steve would have had more success if he'd tried this alone. 

Suddenly Steve's hand clamped down upon his wrist and determinedly tugged him closer, while Steve said with a conspiratorial air, "Aaron doesn't like the ocean. And boats."  
At that statement both Romanovs looked flabbergasted from Steve to Danny, like they couldn't trust their ears.  
"I know", continued Steve in this resigned-but-still-fond tone of voice, "how can one live on Hawaii and dislike the ocean? And yes that does include swimming and diving and _surfing_ ", he emphasised like it was a sacrilege.  
"I took him fishing once and he wouldn't stop ranting about how dangerous it was and that we were never doing this again. " He shook his head in this what-can-you-do-way and shrugged for good measure. 

Danny was going to kill him. 

Slowly. 

Drowning sounded about right. 

"They're death traps!" he exploded, "they can run out of fuel at any time and then you're stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks all around and no way to get back on land! " 

"Nothing happened!" Steve insisted. And like hell nothing happened, that one time they were held at gun point and their boat was stolen. They'd almost been shark food, managed to stumble upon a crime scene and been cuffed by the coast guard. 

"That's what you always say, but 'nothing' with you means life threatening encounter with anyone else!" Danny exclaimed heatedly, pointing his finger at his partner and stabbing him repeatedly in the chest. 

"You're exaggerating like always. "

"Oh, am I?!"

"Yes, just because you have a water phobia, doesn't mean everyone shares it." Goddamnit, Steve did _not_ just roll his eyes. 

"Okay, not everyone can be a Super SEAL, alright? There are normal people, like me, who can be concerned by certain situations. Get it, G.I. Joe? " he asked red-faced in anger. 

"We went _fishing_ ", Steve intoned. Right, only a fishing trip with that crazy maniac would escalate so much, and he had the nerve to call it 'just fishing'!

"Yeah, and I'm never doing that again, especially with you! You're like a magnet for trouble! "

"You know what, why does everything have to be my fault?" he had the nerve to complain. 

"Because it _is_ ", Danny finished angrily, getting right into McGarrett's face. 

Loud laughter interrupted their bickering and Danny remembered suddenly that they were not alone in his car or in the middle of a crime scene. In fact they were surrounded by people, their target most prominently stood right in front of them with a grin on his face.  
"Seriously", he asked them, glancing from Danny to Steve and back, an amused twinkle in his eyes, "how long have you been married?"

Good thing was, apparently they hadn't blown their cover by being themselves, to the contrary the Romanovs looked at them in a friendly manner that was significantly more open than their initial reactions.  
Problem was, he still did not remember their exact fake marriage date and how long ago was this supposed to be again? 

Steve saved the day again by replying with, "Too long. " And a put-upon sigh. 

"Please call me Matthew", Romanov's husband said with a smile and the other decisively joined in with an 'Alexander' and a firm handshake for Steve and Danny each. 

"We should do lunch sometime", Alexander Romanov, drug cartel boss and criminal of the first calibre, said pleasantly, "or dinner. These things can be so crowded."

"That would be great", Steve assured, nodding at Danny, "We would be delighted. And it's Phil and Aaron."

"Wonderful! How about this weekend?"

And Danny almost choked, because he had Grace this weekend and they had made plans for the zoo and why the fuck was this job always intruding upon his time with his daughter? At Steve's insistent, yet barely noticeable shove, Danny stamped down on his emotions and tried to say something helpful for once, "No plans. Good idea. "

The couple didn't seem to mind his abrupt answer, though he felt Steve's arm tense. 

"Then it's settled! " Matthew exclaimed, flailing excitedly with his hands, till his husband took them in his hands and nodded indulgently. "I'll have the cook prepare something special. Let's exchange telephone numbers to plan the details."

"Sure", responded his partner with an easy smile. 

And that was it. 

Their purpose for the evening fulfilled. 

Wasn't that great, they'd secured an invitation to Romanov's house, and the perfect opportunity to snoop around his stuff.

"Let's do some dancing", Matthew insisted, looking pleadingly at the elder man, who acquiesced with a sigh and added with a commiserating wink to McGarrett: "Why don't you both join us on the dance floor, make our other halves happy?"

Cold sweat ran down Danny's face and he was not doing this! He refused! A glance at Steve's right eyebrow tick and his tense jaw revealed the reassuring fact that he wasn't happy with the proposition either. Danny was just about to say that he couldn't, bad knee, so sorry, whatever, when Steve abruptly took his hand and dragged him over to the dance floor. 

"I'm not a dancer! You know that!" he hissed indignantly, attempting to struggle inconspicuously against his hold without alerting anyone to their altercation. 

But Steve ignored his protests, until they reached the open floor, then he reached around and put one of his hands securely on Danny's back, while the other grasped his hand, holding it tightly. Exerting pressure on his back made Danny take a step to the side and Steve began steering him into a slow waltz, joining the other couples in their movements. 

"Do you have to lead? " Danny asked through gritted teeth, because he was never going to live this down. "I'm not the girl in this relationship."

"As far as I'm aware neither of us is", responded Steve mildly, then declared under his breath, "You can't dance. I'm taller. I'm leading."

" _Fuck you_ ", Danny said quietly, but emphatically. 

"Shhh. This is important. Will you calm down?" The frustration in his voice was apparent, not that Danny gave a shit. 

"Just shut up, Steven. "

The dance commenced in silence and when the torture was over, Danny quickly excused himself to get them something to drink. When a waiter passed with a tablet of champagner flutes, he took one and downed it in one go. 

Fuck work, he needed something stronger if he had to continue to play happy couple with Steve much longer. At that moment he felt sure, that he could have done the role of bitchy ex-partner much more justice, after all he'd had practise with Rachel.  
Good god, he hoped she would never find out. Or he might never recover from the blow to his masculinity. Rachel would have a field day. 

"You alright?" came the familiar, quiet voice of his partner from behind him. And was it too much to ask to just disappear by himself for a while? After being touched and dragged around like a stuffed toy all evening? No, not with McGarrett, who had a protective streak that went a mile wide. Like he'd be kidnapped in the five minutes he'd been gone.  
Seriously. Overprotective much? 

"Fine", he said tersely, unconsciously hunching his shoulders a little, as he turned around to be confronted with the full force of Steve's puppy dog eyes.  
A glass of dark brown liquid was pressed into Danny's hand and he hesitated, then took a careful sip, savouring the taste.  
Whisky. Good brand, though not surprising considering their location. Exactly what he needed right now. 

"I'm sorry, Danno." Damn it all, Steve sounded like he understood and meant it. That made it considerably more difficult to hold onto his anger. 

"Pending", he replied to the silent question and couldn't quite stop himself from smirking a little. 

Steve's smile was blinding. "How many apologies is that now?"

"Too many. " Danny sighed, as an uncomfortable but familiar mixture of fondness and frustration stole over him. He paused and looked at Steve, reveling in the man's sudden good mood. He _did_ that, he thought, and drank some more of the whisky, emptying the glass.  
"We done, babe?" 

And Steve nodded with a wide, relieved grin on his face. They could finally leave that stupid yacht and all its sophisticated company behind and head back to headquarters. Or home.  
The weekend could wait, they would deal with that mess later. 

"Yes. Let's get out of here."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed it! The second and final chapter will be posted, though it may take a while.


End file.
